people.

Something that I’m learning lately:

People are always worth investing in.

They are always worth getting to know. They are always worth taking the time out of the day to talk about their fears, dreams, passions, worries and stresses. Always.

As my college career comes to an end and the time window between anxious-almost-grad and anxious-grad grows smaller and smaller, I am learning that people are always worth the space in your heart it takes to put them there.

I went in to my last semester of college thinking that I knew what the next three months would look like (a fact that I now look back on and sigh to myself ‘oh Maddi, when will you ever learn’). I knew who I wanted my friends to be, my job to look like, and what I ate for lunch every day (the only thing on this list that has stayed consistent). And for some strange reason, I found myself thinking “yeah, people are cool, but I don’t really want any more friends. I just don’t have the time.”

The problem with this is that you can’t quantify how much space people take up in your life. You just can’t. And people don’t show up at your doorstep upon your first meeting armed with suitcases and lamps and coasters and say “surprise! I’m staying here for the next three years. Where’s my room?” Rather, people show up for cups of coffee. And movies. Things that require low time and low commitment. But after awhile, things slip out.

If you share a space with someone long enough, things about them will leak out. It’s unavoidable. And as another human being you have to decide where to go from there. Do you ask questions? Do you pretend like you don’t know the thing about them that you now know? Do you skip going to the library so they can tell you about a frustration they have?

More often than not, I ask questions. People truly fascinate me. It’s like my drug. I can’t get enough of it. I tell myself over and over again, “this time I’m done. I will not spend another afternoon in a coffee shop talking about life with someone I don’t know. I will not talk. I will not ask questions. I will keep my head down and my eyes closed and I will focus on my 12-step program. I can do this.” And then I see someone who looks like they need someone to talk to and I crumble. If there isn’t a support group for people who can’t stop using time to talk to other people instead, there should be. I would go every single week. And then I would stay longer at the meeting to talk about Sally’s weekend.

On second thought, there is a group for people like that. It’s called a Communication Department Meeting.

Someone may read this and think, “so you like to talk to people… so? What’s the problem? Why are you discussing this as if it’s some illness you need to be cured from?” Its because it is a problem. Or it can be. All I know is that I found myself up late many times this semester staring up at my ceiling and wondering how my to-do list didn’t get smaller as the day wore on. Wondering how in the world I did not get a 20-minute discussion post done when I had an hour to kill in between classes.

And then I think about my day and a vague memory of sitting in the cafe wrapped up in a deep discussion resurfaces and suddenly it all becomes clear. And then I vow to myself that I will not sit in the cafe anymore. I will lock myself in the top floor of the library that is only visited by dust bunnies and the “I forgot to do this paper that’s due next hour” club.

Until two days ago, I used to feel guilty every time those memories resurfaced. I used to reprimand myself for always choosing people over homework. And then I realized that people are always worth time. They just are. They are always more valuable than homework. Because they don’t have a due date. They continue to exist after that paper is turned in and the presentation is ended and the final project is printed off and sometimes, taking the time to talk with them makes a difference. Sometimes, they have something valuable to teach you. Something that is as unique and precious as their existence.

So that’s my thought for today. Choose people. They’re valuable.