grandma lea.

I bolted upright on Sunday night with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I couldn't explain it, but I just felt the absence you can only feel when someone you love is no longer with you like they used to be.

I started sobbing. Like, uncontrollable sobbing. The achey feeling grew bigger and bigger until it felt too big to carry and I flopped over on my bed, trying to turn off the sadness I felt.

And then I heard it. That still, small voice.

"It's okay, child. It's her time."

My grandma was truly the embodiment of unconditional love. Everybody says that about their grandma, but it's true for mine. She was everybody's cheerleader. Even if she didn't know you, she had a way of wrapping her small hands around yours and just making you feel so seen. She loved the Vikings, and the game show network, and Phil Mickelson - but nothing surpassed her love for God and her family. Nothing. It didn't matter who you were, or what you had done in your life, Grandma Lea was there with a warm smile and a listening ear.

God used my Grandma to remind me of his love for me when I had forgotten. And when you're lucky enough to be loved by someone like that, it changes you. 

Regardless of what life threw at my grandma, she always had a smile. In a world that values self-service, her generosity with her time, her heart, and her big laugh is something that was inspiring, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to emulate.

As I'm sitting here writing these words, I'm reminded that I see a lot of these things in my dad, my mom, my aunts and uncles, and my cousins. When someone like her passes away, they are never really gone, because when you deeply love those around you they carry pieces of you with them.

I catch her in the moments where a bit of a Norwegian accent breaks through, or when I find myself emotionally invested in Who Wants to be a Millionaire, or when I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe.

She was truly an angel, and I feel very lucky to have called her my grandma.

 "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." -Psalm 34:18